Obituary

by Andy on July 4th, 2008

I’m a modern man. A man for the millenium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high tech lo-life. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multitasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I’m new wave but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hotwired, heatseaking, warmhearted cool customer, voice activated and biodegradable. I interface with my database and my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, and from time to time I’m radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, and pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed. I got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A streetwise smartbomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties; I tell power lies; I take power naps; I take victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot, slamdunk rain maker with a pro-active outreach, a raging workaholic, a working rage-a-holic, out of rehab and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal angenda. You can’t shut me up, you can’t dumb me down, cause I’m tireless and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers. I’m a non-believer and an overacheiver, laid-back but fashion foward, up front, down home, low rent, high mantinence, supersize, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready, and built to last. I’m a hands on, footloose, knee-jerk headcase, prematurely postraumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I’m feeling; I’m caring; I’m healing; I’m sharing; a supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk-mail; I eat junk food; I buy junk bonds; I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, captial intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant. I like rough sex; I like tough love; I use the f-word in my email, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore; no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a minimall; I bought a minivan at a megastore. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll free, bite size, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes; a fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude but I’m the real deal, lean and mean, cocked, locked, and ready to rock; rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow; I go with the flow; I ride with the tide; I got glide in my stride; driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and winning. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy and lunchtime is crunchtime. I’m hanging in, there ain’t no doubt, and I’m hanging tough, over and out.

RIP.

New PC

by Ben on June 27th, 2008

I’m thinking about buying a new PC. The one I am using is more than 2 years old and is as slow and sluggish as… ok so I can’t think of anything slow enough to compare it to, but if I could it would be something like one of those old codgers you see down the local sleeze who smells bad and burps whenever a female walks past.

I thinking about a a £2k budget to include a new monitor, keyboard and mouse, Vista Premium (64).

I want it to handle the latest games and that is primarily what I’m aiming for. I have had a look at overclockers and this one came up http://www.overclockers.co.uk/showproduct.php?prodid=FS-098-OK which comes out at £1500 once you’ve got vista premium and the nice silver case.

What does everyone reckon? I need serious advice now and I can’t bare using this piece of s h one t any more! (Olivia’s learning new words).

I was reading about Intel’s new CPUs that have come out and quite like the sound of the Quad Extreme’s that look blistering, but is it overkill? am I really going to be needing 4 cores? I’m sure I read somewhere that 99% of games can’t take advantage of them anyway?

Help much appreciated chaps. I’ll even invite you all over to play with it when I eventually make up my mind.

P.S anyone tempted by the iphone 3g? I’m upgrading asap (02 actually have an upgrade plan for existing customers!)

Firefox World Record

by Andy on June 18th, 2008

I just took part in Firefox’s world record attempt, and you can too!

All you have to do is download Firefox 3 before 7.16pm (UK) or 8.16pm (CET) and you too could be a part of the “Most Software Downloads in a 24 Hour Period” World Record! :P

I got a certificate and everything!

You can also keep track of the current download volume as well as browse the official World Record site.

Hours ‘Til Autumn

by Dan on June 11th, 2008

Ever heard of them? Me neither, probably because they are an unknown band from Eastleigh whose largest gig to date that I can find was at the Joiners. However, they won an Ocean FM competition to be the support act for Bon Jovi tonight at St Mary’s Stadium, so I’ll shortly be finding out what they sound like. Only info I can find on them is on bebo: Hours ‘Til Autumn.

Beer Festivals - UR DOIN IT RONG!

by Dan on June 9th, 2008

Now I have your attention with that totally unjustified outburst of LOLspeak, I need to clear something up. It was mentioned in a recent email that working at a beer festival “sounds a little sober”.

How very wrong you are…

You see, during the local Beer Festival, volunteers are allowed, nay, encouraged, to try the beer on offer. It’s all about being able to offer meaningful advice, you understand. Since not every volunteer will be able to make the pre-festival tasting, and since the average volunteer is really quite into the whole beer-drinking thing, drinking the offerings is de rigueur during breaks in serving. A few moments stolen away from your bar area is usually spent exploring the other bars, and flashing the staff badge in order to get another cup full and a friendly smile, maybe a request for your views on the taste and a recommendation for later. The only request is that you stay sober enough to serve the punters. Anyone else tried serving on a bar drunk? This wasn’t my first experience in that area - it was as easy as I recalled, and more fun than the sober alternative.

Oh, and that’s just during the open hours.

Once the doors close there are a couple of hours of proper drinking to be done. Once doors close on the final night there is invariably a quantity of beer remaining, and the organisers would rather not have move and dispose of this, so that’s another duty down to the volunteers.

Over the Friday and Saturday nights I worked, I’m ashamed to say I only tried 50 of the 94 on offer (that I remember). Most of those were on the first night. On the second night many beers had already finished, so I didn’t add too many to my tally, and ended up drinking the same ones over again. Nonetheless, I think it was a much better showing than the many years I’ve been a punter with a ticket.

Beer Festival Volunteers. Unpaid, but not sober.

My Beer of the Festival? Dark Star Summer Meltdown. Ginger flavoured and great.

Google Android

by Ben on May 29th, 2008

I was geekily surfing one of the many many many iphone blogs out there and came across an article about Google Android which appears to be Google’s own mobile OS. The link provided (http://androidcommunity.com/first-live-images-of-fullscreen-android-demo-20080528/) also shows some cool videos and pictures. I wasn’t overly impressed with pacman, but then I’ve never been a fan of the game (being rubbish at it doesn’t help), but I was impressed with the built in compass! It makes Google StreetView (yes its a 3G phone) images turn with you as you rotate! The demonstration of this, quite rightly, drew “Awwww!”s and applause from the demonstration crowd.

Can’t wait.

Tipping

by Andy on May 27th, 2008

No, not the fly variety, or any other form of refuse dumpage, but gratuities paid to waiting/kitchen staff at bars/restaurants.

I stumbled upon this blog today, where the protagonist -a relatively witty, dry humoured Waiter somewhere in the States- complains when a couple who are currently freaking about their tax return don’t tip enough. I’ve always known about tipping being a lot more frequent in the US, but the way this blogger describes it, along with the 220+ commentors, you would not only think that tipping is compulsory, but at least a certain percentage of your bill:

Holy Crap - that’s like barely even 8%. Bastards.

Now, I will happily leave a 5 - 10% tip after a meal if, and only if a number of criteria are met. The food has to be good, as well as the service. I begrudgingly tip a good waiter/waitress sometimes as their service has been outstanding, yet the food has been mediocre. It peeves me to know that the kitchen staff, who did not perform, will take a proportion of the tip. The speed at which the order is delivered, as well as the timings between courses. There is nothing I hate more than having to rush my starter, just because someone else has finished their’s and the waiting staff have brought out the main courses. Value for money comes into it also. I have no reason to tip a restaurant if I don’t feel I’ve had the best value for the money I’ve spent.

I’ll probably get stick for being a tight arsed bastard about this, but don’t get me wrong, if I feel someone deserves a decent tip, then they’ll get it, but when it gets to the point that not paying a gratuity means you’re branded an “asshole” I think society is crossing the line.

Monaco GP 2008

by Dan on May 25th, 2008

That was an excellent race. It’s races like this that keep me watching F1, even if it did have to rain to make it interesting. Hamilton was untouchable, with McLaren taking full advantage of the opportunity afforded to him by the lucky coincidence of a small mistake just before a safety car.

Driver of the race was rightly awarded to the great performance from Adrian Sutil before a schoolboy error from none other than the reigning World Champion took him out of the race, and cheated him out of what would have been an amazing fourth place.

Still, it was an entirely enjoyable race to watch, possibly aided by the princely sum of £2 I had riding Lewis.

Rob’s Catch Up

by Wob on May 22nd, 2008

In February I had a call out of the blue from our rental agents. They told me that our landlord would be selling the house we live it. They decided not to give us our two months notice immediately, instead waiting for an offer on the house and then give us notice. That suited us. Slowly I began thinking about finding somewhere else to live - not too bad, then about having to actually physically move - not so much fun. My original plan was to live there for a couple more years, then think about buying somewhere. In the end we decided that the 20K we might spend on rent in the next couple of years was probably enough to absorb any potential savings we might make by leaving it a couple of years and buying when the housing market has fallen a little more. Rather than having to move twice in the next couple of years we decided to start looking for a house to buy.

… Boring house hunting paragraph …

Anyway we made an offer around month or two ago which was accepted. There are so many things that can go wrong with all the surveys, the mortgage offer and all that stuff to be sorted out that I’ve been holding out on posting this catch up. Since everything seems like it’s going well, I decided to share the news.

Yesterday we exchanged contracts and we’ll be moving in mid-July. I won’t have to pay someone else’s mortgage anymore, but instead I’ll have to fix my own boiler - It sounds like a reasonable compromise. Of course I’ll probably change my view when the washing machine and the fridge break in the same month!

The place is an ex-rental, so it’s all very neutral and in good condition with not a lot of work required on it. However no one’s been living there for a couple of months, so I guess the garden will take a while to sort out! The previous owner is emigrating, so he’s leaving all the kitchen goods normally provided in rental houses. That means we don’t have to buy anything! It’s a 2 bedroom mid-terrace in the same estate as we are now. So there will, as always, be space for people to visit:).

I’m really looking forward to the simple things like being able to put up spice rack and a picture without having to remember to pollyfiller the holes before we move out! Of course there are bigger things too, maybe an apple tree and a conservatory, but there’s no rush for all that. Unfortunately there has been some muttering about cat flaps and such nonsense. I can only assume that this is leading toward getting a cat.. Any compelling reasons not to do this are more than welcome;)

Well, I’ve said enough for now. I’ll leave you with this thought:

Strangely, I still feel more grown up when I think about the Tesco Clubcard in my wallet than I do about the house I’ve just bought!

Swim, Float, Swim…

by Andy on May 20th, 2008

I was stumbling earlier today and came across a video, which I watched, then followed a link, then another, and another, as you do. I was so taken in by this video that I’ve actually applied for an information pack to learn to be an instructor in my own time. It’s not that I want to instruct as a living, but I was so shocked at the video, that I think every parent should consider ISR’s swim, float, swim survival technique.

Some people may find the following video a bit upsetting, and I personally don’t believe they should have left the child floating around for so long. They prove their point, so why leave the little kid lying there upset.